How to avoid disappointments in life
How to avoid disappointments in life
In life there are disappointments. It happens to everyone sometime or another. You try to deal with it when they is a disappointment. But have you ever thought about why one get’s disappointed? I am not talking about a particular thing or event that causes disappointment, but the feeling of disappointment itself.
Why do you get disappointed about something? The answer would be that something that you expected did not happen at all, or did not happen the way you expected. In any case, the key word here is Expectation.
Expectation or unreasobale expectation is the problem. Let’s explore further into this.
Your life goes on. There are all the things and people that we interact with. But we don’t let things happen, or accept things as they are. We let our ego or mind interfere and project our own desires and wishes into the actual happenings of the world.
Let’s look at some examples.
The most important and common kind of expectation that causes disappointment for sure is as follows. That is, Getting into a venture, or doing something expecting a sure success. Even common sense tells us that we cannot be successful in everthing!
The solution for this is, If you want to venture, then be prepared for any eventuality. success or failure. Of course, Take up a challenge or goal with an optimistic positive attitude. Put in all your efforts and use all your capabillities to fulfil this goal. But understand, that the results can go either way. Not necessarily because of anything to do with you or your efforts. But that the nature of results. You have no control over them. So do what you want to do, or have to do, but don’t worry about results. This will save you from being disappointed and devastated.
Another kind of expecatation that leads to disappointment is unreasoble expectation. This can easily be avoided, yet people get caught in it quite often. This expectation is unreasonable expectation. The problem here is having an unrealistic aim or goal. You set an unrealistic goal for yourself that can never be accomplished. And you expect successful results from it. Naturally, you will be disappointed.
The Solution is, when you want to acquire something or achieve something, make it reasonably reachable. Ponder over it and see it that what you want is obtainable with effort and the necessary tools. Enquire within yourself, why you have this desire or goal? Is it for the right reasons, that is to use your capabilities and lead a fulfilling life, or is it because someone is doing it? Ask yourself questions like this, and decide when you have a goal that can be successful.
Another example is that which a lot of professionals have experienced. In your job, you may expect something to happen. You may think that you will get a promotion. Or you may want to be the most popular employee there. And when that does not happen, you are disappointed and depressed.
The Solution to this problem is, do your job the best way you can. Be the best you can be. Aspire for a promotion or a raise. But be prepared that things may not go as you wished, inspite of your talents and capabilities. There a lots of things involved in companies and organizations. And not everything happens the way it should. If you thus prepare yourself wisely, you will not be disappointed and wallow in self pity. You will be smart and wise and unperturbed at work.
An example that happens quite often in life is this. You expect your wife or husband or mate to have the same qualities, interests, likes, dislikes and habits that you have. If you don’t have these things in common, you are unhappy. You expected something, and when that did not happen, you are disappointed and miserable.
The Solution to this problem is to understand that to be one’s soul mate, all your interests don’t have to be the same. You may happen to have many things in common. That is great, but You can also have different likes and dislikes. eat different things, do different things, enjoy different TV Channels and shows, dress differently, like different music and so. The only thing that you must have in common is that you really love each other, care about each other and want to be kind to each other. The rest can be different. Understand this firmly, and stop expecting your partner-in-love to be just like yourself. In fact, having different likes and dislikes may make life less montonous and boring.
The next two examples have to do with your children.
Here is an example. You follow a certain religion or culture and you are quite attached to its concepts and rituals. But your son or daughter does not rigorously follow these things. They may even be atheistic or like the concepts of another religion or philosophy. But you strongly expected them to follow you in this matter. And when they don’t you are disappointed and disillusioned.
Another example is, you belong to a certain race and color and expect your daughter or son to marry someone of the same type. But your daughter or son wants to marry someone of a different race and color. Your expectation is thus thwarted and you become disappointed and saddened.
The main cause for such disappointments with our children is because, we think we own our children. We want them to live according to our ideas and beliefs. We simply are not able to detach our personality from theirs. We always expect them to do this and that as we wish they should do.
And the main, profound solution for this is as follows. Understand that your children are independent persons. Put it firmly in your mind that you don’t own them. Just as you are here in this world for your purpose, so are your children in this world for their purpose. Stop expecting that your children should follow you in every way.
Of course, when children are young, as parents, do your duty and advise them about what is good for them. Guide them because you care about them. Even when they grow up and have a mind of their own, still offer you wise advise to them when necessary or they ask for it. But just let go your hold on them. Let them express themselves joyously as they desire. This will set your mind free from stress and anxieties and protect you from disappointments.
In life itself, you expect Life to be smooth sailing. You think nothing can go wrong with Life. You think that problems and turmoils and diseases are only for others. Yours will be perfect. But when Life deals you a sudden blow, and rocks your boat, and you are faced with a serious trouble, you get terribly shaken, disappointed and dejected.
The Solution to this problem is preparation with learning and association with wise people. Understand that anything that can happen to others can happen to you. Get prepared mentally. Keep healthy physically. Be smart and wise. Thus you can avoid disappointments in life.
In summary, through these few examples, we can see that expectations are the main causes of disappointments in life. If we take it easy and let things happen as they are meant to happen and not expect too much out of anything or anybody, we won’t be disappointed. If we stop imposing our will on other people, or on the events that happen in our lives, we will never see the face of the demon called disappointment.
Take it easy. Just be happy. Things will work out. They always do sooner or later.